EXIT STRATEGIES FOR SOULS

Are you tired of being trapped in a world that's just too darn soul-sucking? Do you yearn for freedom from existential dread?

We offer a range of exit strategies for souls looking to break free from their mortal coils. Choose from:

• Portal Technology: A one-way ticket to another dimension (Not recommended for beginners.)
• Quantum Leaping: A jump into a parallel universe where your problems are someone else's problems
• Soul Relocation Services: Our experts will relocate your soul to a tropical island, but don't say we didn't warn you
• Soul Swap: Trade your soul for a year's supply of free pizza
• Abyssal Abandonment: Leave your soul behind, it's not like it's going to make a difference