Submandates: Because Adulting is Hard
Are you tired of being responsible? Do you find yourself constantly wondering what it means to be a functioning member of society? Look no further than Submandates, the unofficial guide to not being a boss.
We'll cover everything from the basics of not getting off the couch, to advanced techniques for ignoring your alarm clock, and expert-level strategies for microwaving ramen noodles for every meal.
Submandate 1: Don't Get Off the Couch
Step 1: Set your phone on silent. Step 2: Wear sweatpants at all times. Step 3: Pretend you're not home when the doorbell rings.
Read more about becoming a couch-savant.Submandate 2: Ignore Your Alarm Clock
Step 1: Set your alarm clock for 5 minutes before the apocalypse. Step 2: Hit snooze repeatedly until the apocalypse passes. Step 3: Claim you're not late.
Read more about mastering the art of alarm clock evasion.Submandate 3: Microwave Noodles for Every Meal
Step 1: Buy 10 boxes of ramen noodles. Step 2: Eat 3-4 servings per day. Step 3: Call it "gourmet cooking."
Read more about becoming a ramen master.