The Submandate Trade-In Program

Is your life just not living up to your expectations? Do you find yourself constantly disappointed by the mundane, the ordinary, and the beige? Well, we've got the answer for you! Introducing the Submandate Trade-In Program.

We'll take in your old, worn-out life, and upgrade you to a shiny new one. For a mere 1000 Submandate Bucks, we'll trade-in your:

• Aged relationships: We'll swap your significant other for a sleek, new, AI-powered significant other.
• Worn-out shoes: We'll trade in your tired, old kicks for a fresh new pair of limited-edition, glow-in-the-dark stilettos.
• Unfulfilling career: We'll swap your 9-to-5 for a thrilling new gig as a professional snail trainer.
• Boring hobbies: We'll trade in your dusty old books for a new, high-tech hoverboard.

But wait, there's more! With the Submandate Trade-In Program, you'll also receive:

• A complimentary makeover by our team of expert, robot stylists.
• A personalized, AI-generated bucket list, complete with adventure options tailored to your unique tastes and abilities.
• A 10% discount on all future purchases, including our exclusive line of Submandate-branded, artisanal, hand-crafted existential crises.

So, what are you waiting for? Sign up for the Submandate Trade-In Program today, and start living the life you've always wanted!