Q: What is the Submandates Trade-In Program?
A: It's a program designed for people who hate their lives, but love their Submandates.
Q: How does it work?
A: We'll take your Submandate, add some minor scratches, declare it a "vintage model", and sell it for 50% of its original price. We'll even throw in a set of steak knives!
Q: What's the catch?
A: Oh, just the usual: our lawyers will be calling you at 3 am demanding you sign over your kidney function to us. But hey, that's just standard practice.