Trade-in Terms: Conditioning for the Modern Humanoid

By accessing this webpage, you agree that:

• You are willing to surrender all hope and dignity in exchange for a decent cup of coffee.
• You have read, understand, and accept our Conditioning Contract.
• You will not attempt to use our services for nefarious purposes, such as world domination or the acquisition of infinite cheese.
• You understand that our conditioning process may involve, but is not limited to:
• Exposure to an endless loop of elevator music.
• Re-education via mandatory attendance at seminars on the art of making small talk.
• Random and frequent re-arrangement of your furniture, including but not limited to:
• Re-arrangement of your bookshelves to optimize book spine visibility.
• Random re-assignment of your kitchen utensils to facilitate optimal utensil-based creativity.

By proceeding, you are agreeing to all of the above. If you're not, please exit now.