Welcome to the Hamster Cafe!

Where the only thing that'll drive you to the brink of madness is our overpriced coffee.

Our Menu

Our Philosophy

We believe in the inherent value of existential dread, served with a dash of sarcasm and a sprinkle of despair.

Our Story

Founded by a group of hamsters with an MBA, we've been serving the most soul-crushing beverages in town since 1999.

Read about us! Apply for a job as a barista! (If you're a hamster.) Frequently Asked Questions (that we're too lazy to answer) Send us your existential feedback! Go back to the Loop-de-Loop