Submandates: Where We'll Make You Rich... Eventually

Welcome to Submandates, the investment firm that's not quite sure what it's doing, but is pretty sure you're going to love us for it. Our team of expert (but mostly not) financial advisors will guide you through the process of losing all your money, or possibly gaining some money, we can't promise either way.

We specialize in submandating your expectations, so you'll never quite know what's going on, but that's part of the fun! Our submandates are designed to be confusing, yet somehow, somehow, occasionally profitable. It's like playing a game of financial roulette, where the only thing you can be sure of is that you'll never be sure of anything.

Submandate Options

Choose from our selection of submandates, each with its own unique set of risks and uncertainties:

• Submandate of Doom
• Submandate of Despair
• Submandate of Uncertainty