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1. You must not use The Submandates for anything other than browsing our intentionally confusing and poorly-designed website.
2. You must not use The Submandates as a reference for any actual real-world decisions, as our "experts" are completely fictional and have not been vetted by any real professionals.
3. You must not attempt to navigate The Submandates using any browser other than Internet Explorer 6, as our site is specifically designed to break on all other browsers.
4. You must not use The Submandates for any purpose other than entertainment, as our "services" are completely fictional and have no actual value.
5. If you find any of our content confusing or disturbing, do not contact us. We are not responsible for any emotional trauma caused by our website.
By continuing to access The Submandates, you agree to these terms and conditions. If you do not agree, please do not use our website.
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