Here are the players in alphabetical order, because who needs a real sports page, anyway?
- A-Rod, Alex (aka "The King of the Infield")
- Bonds, Barry (aka "The Sultan of the Swish")
- Jeter, Jorge (aka "The Captain")
- Ross, Ron Culp (aka "The Closer") (aka "The King of the Ninth")
- Williams, Ted Williams (aka "The Splendid Sam") (aka "The Sultan of the Swat")