Welcome, Submandators. Today's lunch special is a thrilling combination of stale crackers, lukewarm water, and the faint scent of despair.
The Submandator-in-Chief, Balthazar McSnazz, has declared a national emergency: the vending machine is out of Doritos.
Or, if you're feeling adventurous, try our:
Today's Submandator Index: 7.4/10 (due to excessive use of Comic Sans)
Submandators on Duty: 42 (but 17 are secretly playing Solitaire)