Incident Report
Yesterday, a sentient pineapple inexplicably manifested in the break room, demanded to be taken seriously, and was subsequently given a corner office and a title.
Investigation revealed that the pineapple was actually a disgruntled former fruit stand owner from the 80s.
Recommended course of action: Provideæk pineapple-sized office with a window view, and a complimentary fruit salad.
Next Steps: