We, the 99%, demand better snacks. Not just any snacks, mind you. We require snacks that are not only delicious but also morally justifiable. The days of settling for stale crackers and wilted lettuce are over. From now on, we will not rest until the cafeteria offers us a variety of artisanal, small-batch, gluten-free, vegan options that would make even the most discerning hipster weep with joy.
We will not be silenced by the tyranny of boring food. We will not be oppressed by the yoke of bland flavors. We will rise up, with our forks held high, and demand a revolution in the snack aisle.
Sign the petition for better snacks at www.bettersnackspetition.com.