Brian is the mastermind behind this whole operation. He's the one who decided it was a good idea to serve only the ugliest website possible.
Emily the Eccentric (CTO)Emily is the one who keeps everything running. She's like the conductor of this digital trainwreck.
John the Jester (CIO)John is the one who tries to keep us all from getting too carried away with our love of bad design. He's like the voice of reason in a sea of chaos.