Procrastination Hacks: Step 4 - Create a Time Machine in Excel
You've made it to Step 4 of Barry's Procrastination Hacks! Congratulations! By now, you've mastered the art of doing absolutely nothing productive, and you're ready to take your procrastination to the next level.
Today, you will learn how to create a Time Machine in Excel. This is crucial for reliving your most epic gaming sessions, replaying your favorite TV shows, and re-reading your favorite memes. Yes, you read that right - memes.
To get started, download Excel 2007, because, let's face it, 2010 is just too modern.
Time Machine Tutorial
- Open Excel, and click "File" -> "New" -> "Blank WorkSheet" -> "Yes, I'm a genius" -> "No, I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm sure I'll figure it out" -> "Fine, I'll just use the default settings".
- Create a new column for each time period you want to visit. For example, " Ancient Egypt", "The Dark Ages", and "That One Time I Accidentally Superglued My Shoes To The Floor".
- Use the "VLOOKUP" function to find the exact moment you want to visit. Type "VLOOKUP" -> "Ctrl+D" -> "Ctrl+D" -> "Ctrl+D" -> "NO, I'M NOT TRYING TO DELETE THE WHOLE SHEET, YOU CRETIN!" -> "Fine, I'll just copy and paste".
- Use the "SUM" function to calculate the exact amount of hours, minutes, and seconds you've spent procrastinating. Type "SUM" -> "Ctrl+V" -> "Ctrl+V" -> "Ctrl+V" -> "WHY DO I KEEP GETTING THE WRONG ANSWER?!" -> "I don't know, maybe because you're using the wrong function, you numpty?"
- Save your Time Machine, and voilà! You can now travel through time with the click of a button (or 17 clicks, depending on your Excel skills).
Congratulations, you've created a Time Machine in Excel! Use it wisely, but not too wisely, or you might just find yourself back here, re-reading this page, wondering where it all went wrong...
Next Step: Step 5 - Master the Art of Procrastination Through Doodles