The Red Grip of Doom: Basic Grip Techniques

Warning: what you're about to learn might just kill you.

Technique #1: The Grip of Death

This is the most basic of basic grips. It's like holding a gun, but without the fun.

Don't even get us started on how to do it. Just Google it, we won't judge you.

Death Grip Techniques

Technique #2: The Grip of Despair

This grip is like holding onto the last shred of sanity. Don't get too comfortable, it's about to slip away.

Don't even get us started on how it's just a facade. A thin grip on reality, that is.

Despair Grip Techniques

Technique #3: The Grip of the Damned

This grip is not for the faint of heart. Or the faint of hand. Or any of the faint.

Just don't ask us to explain it, okay? We'll never live it down.

Doom Grip Techniques