Don't bother calling us. We're not home. Or if we are, we're busy.
But if you really must, our phone number is: 555-555-5555 (just kidding, it's not real)
Or, if you'd like to send us a carrier pigeon, our address is: 1337 Pigeon Drive, Pigeonville, USA
Or, if all else fails, send us a strongly-worded letter to: Complaints
We'll get back to you, eventually. Maybe.
We're not really interested, but: