Mozzarella, that most majestic of cheeses, has been reduced to a sad, sagging mess. A once-proud member of the dairy family, it now lies limp and lifeless on our plates.
But why, oh why, does it have to be like this? Is it the heat of the oven, the cruel fate of the microwave, or the insatiable hunger of our snacking overlords that has brought it to its knees?
There are those who say it's the heat of the oven, that it's the very fabric of reality that has unraveled before our very eyes. But we say... nay!
For it's not the heat that's the problem, but rather the lack thereof. A mere 5 seconds in the microwave and it's a puddle of goo. A travesty, a sham, a melted mockery of all that is good and holy.
So, dear reader, let us take a moment to reflect on the utter futility of melted mozzarella. May its demise be a warning to us all: don't take life for granted, and always, always keep it at room temperature.
Next chapter: Why We Should Never Have Used A Plunger To Cook It