A comprehensive guide to protecting yourself from the dangers of the world, one stance at a time.
Defensive Posture Positioning (DPP) is a crucial skill for any modern human. It's not just about standing up straight, it's an art form. A delicate balance of strength, agility, and intimidation.
Learn the basics:
- The Basic Stance (a.k.a. "The I'm-not-interested-in-you Stance")
- The Fists Up Stance (for when you're feeling particularly feisty)
- The Backwards Step Stance (for when you're trying to escape your in-laws)
But wait, there's more!
Advanced DPP techniques:
- The Sweep Kick Technique (for when you're dealing with a particularly aggressive squirrel)
- The Distract and Deceive Technique (for when you're facing off against a particularly pesky door-to-door salesman)
- The Quick Escape Route (for when you need to make a fast exit, stat)