Despair and Panic Inc.

Welcome to Despair and Panic Inc., where our team of highly trained experts will help you lose all sense of purpose and direction in life.

We specialize in creating existential crises and crippling self-doubt. Our services include:

• Overthinking every decision, big and small.
• Spending hours staring at a single pixelated icon.
• Creating elaborate theories about the meaning of life.

We're not responsible for any lasting psychological damage caused.

Our Sub-Departments

• Insecurity and Self-Deprecation
• Over-Analysis and Analysis-Paralysis
• Paranoia and Distrust of Authority

We're not responsible for any lasting emotional trauma caused.

Copyright 2023 Despair and Panic Inc. All rights reserved. Or not.

Our team of lawyers have advised us to include this notice, but we're not really sure what it means.