Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse with Only a Toaster

By Zach, Resident Disaster Expert and Toaster Aficionado

Are you prepared for the coming zombie uprising? Probably not. But fear not! For we have discovered the most essential survival tool: the trusty toaster.

Why a toaster, you ask? Well, it's simple: it toasts bread. And what's more comforting than toast during a zombie apocalypse? It's a question no one has ever asked before. But trust us, it's true.

Here are the top 5 ways to survive with a toaster:

1. Use it to cook your food: A hot, crispy slice of toast can be a morale booster even in the darkest of times.
2. Employ it as a makeshift shield: A toaster can deflect a zombie's attack, giving you precious seconds to plan your next move.
3. Utilize it as a distraction: A toaster's bright lights and loud noises can draw a crowd away from you, giving you the opportunity to escape.
4. Use it as a projectile: In extreme circumstances, a toaster can be wielded as a makeshift club, crushing zombie skulls with ease.
5. Employ it as a signal device: A toaster's bright beeps and flashing lights can signal for help, or even just for pizza.