Thought Projection 101: The Art of Making Your Mind a Kaleidoscope

Projection 1: The Classic "I'm Fine, I'm Great, I'm Awesome"

Step 1: Take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it in for 3 seconds, and then shout it out loud: "I'm fine, I'm great, I'm awesome!"
Step 2: Repeat this process 5-10 times, or until your neighbors call the cops
Step 3: Visualize a parade in your mind, with you as the star of the show, riding a unicycle while juggling chainsaws

Projection 2: The Art of Mindful Nonsense

Step 1: Choose a random word from your phone's autocomplete list, like "burrito" or "titanium."
Step 2: Focus your thoughts onto the word, repeating it like a mantra until the word starts to take on a life of its own, like a tiny, wisecracking deity
Step 3: Use the word as a prop in your next argument, like a magic 8 ball to deflect all criticism and reason