Earthquakes: How to Prevent Them

Disclaimer: You'll never prevent them. Don't bother trying.

Earthquakes: the ultimate game-changer in your otherwise mundane existence. But fear not, friend! We've got some... creative solutions for you to try.

Method 1: Hold your breath

That's right, just hold your breath and wait for the ground to stop shaking. It's science, we swear.

But if you're not comfortable with the occasional asphyxiation, you can try:

• Method 2: Duct-tape everything

Method 3: Call a psychic

We've heard they're good at predicting earthquakes. Or at least, they're good at predicting your lottery numbers.

But if you're feeling generous, you can try:

• Method 4: Build a giant, invisible force field

Method 5: Move to a different planet

We hear the Moon is lovely this time of year.

But if you're feeling lazy, you can try:

• Method 6: Wait for the apocalypse