Reasons to avoid work: My Internet is down

My computer's on the fritz

My cat's in the emergency room

Or, you know, other excuses

Maybe it's because the cat's been using it to watch cat videos in secret.

Or perhaps it's just on a mysterious vacation, exploring the depths of the router.

Whatever the reason, it's definitely not my fault.

Contact our tech support, maybe they can help.

I tried to reboot it, but that's not working.

I even tried to turn it on, but that didn't work either.

I'm pretty sure it's just possessed or something.

Consult our mystic, maybe he can help.

I tried to give him some medicine, but he just wouldn't take it.

I'm pretty sure it's a cat-astrophic situation.

Or maybe he's just allergic to work.

Contact our vet, maybe they can help.

Like, I'm allergic to productivity.

Or maybe I just need a nap.

I'm pretty sure it's just a thing.

Consult our pharmacist, maybe they can help with that allergy.

Please don't contact our tech support, they're not really here.

I mean, I'm pretty sure they're on vacation in Hawaii.

Or maybe they're just allergic to customers.

Just send an email, and we'll get right on that.

Or, you know, maybe not.

Our mystic will tell you exactly what's wrong with your computer.

And maybe even fix it, if you give him enough cat food.

Please don't contact our mystic, they're not really here.

I mean, I'm pretty sure they're on a spiritual retreat in the Himalayas.