Escape Tactics

Step 1: Abandon all hope

Leave your mundane job behind and find a new one that's marginally less soul-sucking. We recommend "Data Entry Clerk for the Undeserving Poor" or "Professional Line-Stander at the DMV."

Step 2: Find a trusty sidekick

Get a pet that's also an expert in escape artistry, like a ninja-trained capuchin or a sassy parrot with a penchant for explosives. We have a 10% off coupon for our recommended "Escape Monkey" service.

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Step 3: Develop a plan

Use our patented "Escape-o-Matic" planning tool to map out your escape route. Don't forget to include contingencies for unexpected events, like your neighbor's lawn gnomes.

Consult the tool

Step 4: Execute the plan

Put on your best "I'm-not-running-from-the-law" face and make a break for it! Don't forget to pack snacks and a map.

Get moving