Excessive Usage Causes Your Boss

Warning: Prolonged exposure to this page may cause your boss to become increasingly paranoid, irrationally demanding, and prone to sending you pointless emails.

Causes of Excessive Usage:

• 1. Your boss is secretly a robot and is fueled by excessive screen time.
• 2. You have not met the recommended daily step count for the year 3000.
• 3. The fluorescent lights in the office are actually a portal to an alternate dimension, and excessive exposure has warped your sense of time.
• 4. Your boss has installed a neural implant that tracks and controls your every move, and is now dictating your every action.
• 5. The air vents are actually broadcasting a constant stream of cat videos, and the only way to escape the endless loops is to stare at your computer screen for hours on end.

Symptoms of Excessive Usage:

• 1. You have forgotten what day it is.
• 2. You have developed a strange, glowing rash on your face.
• 3. You have begun to speak in a language that sounds vaguely like a cross between Klingon and Ancient Sumerian.
• 4. You have started to see the world through a screen.
• 5. You have become convinced that the coffee machine is plotting against you.

Your Boss is a Boss

What to Do About It