My Cat Said It Needed Help

This is why I'm not attending:

My cat said it needs help. I'm not kidding. It literally just meowed at me and said 'please, human, help me with this existential crisis.'
I'm trying to figure out how to get it a therapist, but apparently they're all booked up with other animals in crisis mode.
It's not just me, apparently. All the other pets in the neighborhood are having similar issues. The dogs are in a pack, the birds are flying off to find answers, and the fish are... well, they're just swimming around in circles.
I'm starting to think that maybe we're all just a bunch of messed up species trying to find our place in the world.