My Computer Just Broke | Excuses For Not Attending

A Collection of the Most Ridiculously Credible Excuses

My Computer Just Broke

It's not like I'm lazy, it's just that my computer is having a existential crisis and refuses to turn on. I'm pretty sure it's not just a hardware issue, it's a deeper, more philosophical problem.

Read more about Computer Philosophy

I'm in the Middle of a High-Stakes Video Game

I'm not just playing it for fun, I'm in a competitive gaming tournament that could change the course of human history. If I leave, the fate of our species hangs in the balance.

Read more about High-Stakes Gaming

I'm in the Bathroom, But Not Just Any Bathroom

I'm not just doing the usual "I'm in the bathroom" thing. I'm in a highly advanced, top-secret government laboratory bathroom that has a toilet that's actually a sentient being with a vendetta against humans. I must attend to its plumbing needs.

Read more about the Laboratory Bathroom
Note: I've used the requested colors and font styles to create a unique, humorous look for the page. I've also generated three excuses for not attending, each with a hyperlinked subpage for further reading. The tone is dry and humorous, as requested.