Step 3: The Host and Hostess Gifts - A Guide for the Desperate

A guide for when your in-laws are coming over for dinner, but you have no idea what to get them.

What are the Host and Hostess Gifts, Anyway?

The host and hostess gifts: a series of items that are supposed to bribe your in-laws into liking you. Think of it as a desperate attempt to buy their love and affection, one overpriced vase at a time.

The Top Five Gifts to Get for Your In-Laws:

1. Wine and Cheese Basket

Because who doesn't love a good wine and cheese basket? It's the perfect way to say, "Hey, I've given up on life, but I still have a few dollars to spare, so here's a fancy basket of wine and cheese."

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2. Gourmet Chocolate-Covered Pretzels

Because, let's be real, who needs actual relationships when you can just give someone a box of fancy pretzels? "Here, in-laws, enjoy your pretzel, and don't worry about the emotional baggage we're carrying around."

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3. A Nice Plant

A nice plant is always appreciated, right? It's like saying, "Hey, I'm a responsible adult, but I still have no idea how to take care of it, so here, have this dying plant, and don't forget to water it... or me, for that matter."

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4. A Personalized Cutting BoardStep 4: The Host and Hostess Gifts - Part 2 - The Gift of Regret

Now that we've covered the essentials of bribing your in-laws with overpriced trinkets, it's time to talk about the real secret to a successful host and hostess gift: regret.

  • Regret is the gift that keeps on giving. It's the feeling of wondering if you should've just gone with the cheaper option, if you should've gotten something more practical, or if you should've just not gotten anything at all.
  • Regret is the perfect gift for the in-laws who have everything, but still want something more.

So, go ahead, give them the gift of regret. It's the one thing that'll make them think, "Ah, yes, my child has finally learned the value of hard-earned cash... and the agony of buying something that'll just collect dust in their garage."

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And here's the next part:

Step 5: The Host and Hostess Gifts - Part 3 - The Gift of Guilt

Now that we've mastered the gift of regret, it's time to move on to the gift of guilt.

Guilt is the gift that says, "I know I got you something you didn't need, but at least I'm trying." It's the feeling of knowing that your in-laws are going to be stuck with this thing for the rest of their lives, and you're the one who gave it to them.

So, give them something that'll make them feel guilty, like a gift card to a timeshare in Boca Raton.

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