Dear valued employee, I'm afraid you're not actually here. In fact, you're not even in the building. You've been relocated to a remote, tropical island paradise where the only responsibility is to relax and forget about the soul-sucking drudgery of the office.
Don't worry, we've left a nice bottle of rum, a few good books, and a ukulele for you to pass the time. You'll be back when you're feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the meaningless, soulless tasks that await you upon your return.
Best regards, Management