Q: What is the deal with the constant earthquakes?
A: The tectonic plates are in a union. They're on strike for better rock.
Q: Can I still order pizza delivery from the surface?
A: Negative. The delivery guy got crushed by a falling meteorite last week. You might as well just make your own.
Maybe the FAQs aren't answering your questions.
Try visiting the Contact Us page. If all else fails, we can just make it up as we go along.