A massive storm system of existential dread is sweeping across the nation, bringing with it a 100% chance of spontaneous combustion and a 100% chance of spontaneous introspection.
Please stay indoors and contemplate the meaninglessness of existence while you still can.
For those seeking shelter and solace, we recommend visiting our Storm Shelters subpage, where you can find the best deals on flimsy, poorly-made storm shelters that are sure to fail in spectacular fashion.
Or, if you're feeling adventurous, you can try our Disaster Diaries section, where brave journalists chronicle the most epic failures in weather history.