EXTREME HEATWAVE HITS NEO-BRUTAL CITY
Due to unforeseen circumstances, the temperature has skyrocketed to a scorching 32°C, causing citizens to melt like the wicked witch of the west in the local park.
Experts warn that the heat will continue to rise, prompting residents to seek shelter in the city's underground tunnels, where it's a pleasant 12°C.
Learn more about heatwave solutions
CYCLONE ZETA BRINGS HEAVY RAIN AND WIND
The Category 5 cyclone has brought torrential rain and gusts of up to 100 km/h, causing the city's famous Brutalist skyscrapers to sway like a bunch of drunken hipsters.
Citizens are advised to stay indoors and not to attempt to surf the waves of water that now cover the streets, as the city's drainage system is currently on vacation.
Cyclone safety tips and advice