We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this shocking report from the kitchen of suburban dweller, Bob Johnson.
According to eyewitnesses, Mr. Johnson, in a moment of sheer incompetence, confused his kitchen with a 19th century art studio and began serving up lead-based dinner specials to his family.
The Johnsons are reportedly in stable condition, but are expected to experience severe gastrointestinal distress for the next several weeks.