Welcome, lovestruck enthusiast, to our exclusive, invite-only, utterly-not-at-all-overpriced community! For the low, low price of 500$, you can join our ranks of the romantically enlightened, the emotionally invested, and the financially exploited.
Our Mission Statement:
We're on a quest to commodify the very fabric of love, turning every tender moment into a transactional experience. Because who needs genuine emotions when you can buy them in bulk?
Join us, and you'll gain access to:
- Unlimited angst for the price of 200$ per month!
- Unbridled heartbreak for the low, low price of 300$ per quarter!
- A free side of existential dread with every purchase!