Our esteemed Judge, PhoneWorship, presiding over Case #123: The Battery That Wouldn't Die.
Court Reporter: "The battery in question, a Samsung Galaxy, was brought before the court with a complaint of being utterly, completely, and totally dead."
Judge PhoneWorship: "This court finds the battery guilty of being... well, dead. But is it truly guilty of being dead, or was it just having a midlife crisis?"
Stay tuned for more exciting cases of mobile device malfeasance!