We collect your email address and use it for the sole purpose of sending you spam. Our servers are powered by the tears of our employees and the screams of our customers.
We will sell it to the highest bidder. We will share it with our friends and family. We will use it to create a highly detailed and realistic simulation of your life, which we will then use to create targeted advertisements.
Our lawyers will review and approve all uses of your data. They are very good at their job, but they are also very expensive.
Our AI-powered sentiment analysis tool will determine if you're a happy customer or not. If you're not, we will use that information to create a fake account in your name and spam it with more ads.
Sorry, you can't. Our opt-out button is just a placeholder for our lawyers' billable hours.
If you try to opt-out, we will send you a series of increasingly annoying emails asking you to stay.
If you still try to opt-out, we will assume you're just trolling us and block your IP.