Put on a suit, grab a coffee, and pretend you're someone who actually has a schedule.
Write down all the things you need to do, but don't actually do them.
Instead, just stare at the list for hours, wondering how you'll ever fit it all in.
Grab a cold one, or three, and binge-watch an entire season of your favorite show.
Or, if you're feeling fancy, play some video games and pretend you're not actually wasting time.
Keep repeating steps 1-3 until you've forgotten what day it is, or until you've run out of food.
Then, and only then, will you finally be a functioning member of society.