Recurring Questions and Answers

Q: How many socks do I have to lose before I start wearing sandals in winter?

A: ALL OF THEM. It's science.

• What's the best way to spend an hour scrolling through cat videos?
• Can I use my couch as a permanent office chair?

Q: Can you explain the difference between a procrastination and a productivity technique?A: Procrastination: doing nothing. Productivity: pretending to do nothing, but really just scrolling through memes.

Q: How do I know if my procrastination is a hobby or a disease?A: Check your bank statement. If you're paying off student loans, it's a disease. If not, it's a hobby.

Q: Can I blame my cat for my procrastination?

A: Only if your cat has a Ph.D. in Psychology and has written a bestselling memoir about your lack of productivity.

Q: Can I use my procrastination as a tax writeoff?

A: Only if you can prove that your cat is a dependent.

Q: Will I ever become a functioning member of society again?

A: Only when your Netflix subscription runs out.

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