Procrastination Provisions

Guide to Selective Attention Deficit Disorder

Are you tired of being productive? Do you struggle to focus on anything longer than 5 seconds? Do you find yourself constantly jumping between 12 different tabs, each filled with cat videos and memes?

Welcome to Selective Attention Deficit Disorder, where the only thing you need to focus on is the art of doing nothing.

This comprehensive guide will walk you through the 5 stages of S.A.D.D.:

Stage 1: Binge-Watching Cat Videos

Learn the art of watching an endless loop of cat videos, each one more mesmerizing than the last.

• Start with a 3-minute video of a kitten in a tutu
• Gradually move on to 10-minute videos of cat playing piano
• Finally, attempt to watch a 24-hour livestream of cats doing absolutely nothing

Remember, the key to mastering S.A.D.D. is to focus on the most interesting cat.

Stage 2: The Art of Social Media Browsing

Learn how to scroll through social media for hours on end, comparing your life to others and wondering why you're not as successful as them.

• Start on Instagram, where you can compare your vacation photos to those of your friends
• Move on to Facebook, where you can argue with your aunt about politics
• Finish with Twitter, where you can yell at strangers about the meaning of life

Remember, the key to mastering S.A.D.D. is to never actually do anything.

Stage 3: Extreme Snack Food Optimization

Learn the art of snacking, where the only thing that matters is the perfect snack-to-energy ratio.

• Start with a 3:1 Cheetos-to-energy ratio
• Gradually move on to 2:1 Cheetos-to-energy ratio
• Finish with a 1:1 prophets-to-energy ratio

Remember, the key to mastering S.A.D.D. is to snack your way to success.

Stage 4: The Art of Procrastination Proverbs

Learn the ancient wisdom of procrastination, where the only thing that matters is the perfect quote-to-silence ratio.

• Start with the classic "Do not go to bed with a full inbox"
• Gradually move on to "A day without coffee is a day without a purpose"
• Finish with "I am not lazy, I am just conservประก

Remember, the key to mastering S.A.D.D. is to find the perfect proverb to fit any situation.

Stage 5: Mastering the 5-Second Rule of Attention

Learn the ancient art of focusing on anything for 5 seconds or less.

• Start with focusing on your breathing for 5 seconds
• Gradually move on to focusing on your phone for 5 seconds
• Finish with focusing on absolutely nothing for 5 seconds

Remember, the key to mastering S.A.D.D. is to never actually focus on anything.

Additional Resources

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