Procrastination Techniques

Warning: the following techniques may cause permanent damage to your productivity, relationships, and possibly your career. Proceed with caution.

Here are some expertly crafted techniques to help you avoid doing actual work:

1. The Art of Distraction

Focus on something else, anything else, just not the task at hand. Browse cat videos, play video games, or reorganize your sock drawer.

2. The Power of Multitasking

Do two things at once, like watching TV and browsing social media, to maximize your productivity by minimizing your focus.

3. The Science of Binge-Watching

Watch an entire season of your favorite show in one sitting, because who needs sleep or a social life, anyway?

4. The Joy of Over-Researching

Spend hours researching topics that are only tangentially related to your work. The more you know about the irrelevant, the less you'll accomplish.