Prognosticating for Dummies: FAQs

How to Become a Prognosticator

Step 1: Learn to Think Like a Prognosticator

Prognosticators are known for their uncanny ability to predict the future. But what does it take to become one? First, you need to think like a Prognosticator. This means you must be 90% sure that you're right, and 10% convinced that the world is out to get you.

The Perfect Blend of Self-Confidence and Paranoia

Step 2: Master the Art of Reading Tea Leaves

Prognosticators are also known for their uncanny ability to read tea leaves. Okay, that's a lie. But it sounds cool, right? Seriously, it's about reading people, not tea. You need to know when to be a friend, when to be a foe, and when to be a frenemy.

Reading Tea Leaves and Other Social Clues

Step 3: Develop a Strong Sense of Self-Deception

Prognosticators are masters of the art of self-deception. They can convince you that the sky is green, that gravity is optional, or that the world is secretly run by giant, invisible hamsters. To become one, you need to hone this skill.

Deception for Pros

Step 4: Practice Prognosticating in Front of a Mirror

Prognosticators are known for their impressive ability to talk to themselves. Like, seriously, it's a superpower. To develop this skill, you need to practice prognosticating in front of a mirror. Bonus points if you can convince yourself that the mirror is actually the world.

Prognosticating in Front of a Mirror

Step 5: Join a Secret Society of Prognosticators

Finally, to become a true Prognosticator, you need to join a secret society of fellow prognosticators. Don't worry, it's not a real thing. But it sounds cool, right?

Join the Society of Prognosticators

And that's it! With these five steps, you'll be well on your way to becoming a Prognosticator. Remember, it's all about thinking like one.

Conclusion