Prophets R Us: Because Who Needs Actual Prophets, Anyway?

Prophets R Us: Where we'll tell you exactly what you want to hear, for a price! Our prophets are experts in the art of saying what you're already thinking, but with a few extra flair and some fancy footwork.

Don't like what you see? Don't worry, we'll just make something else up for you. After all, it's what prophets do best!