Art Criticism 101: The Pretentious Professor's Guide

Chapter 1: The Folly of Folly

Art criticism is a delicate dance of pretentiousness and snootiness. It's like trying to navigate a room filled with velvet ropes and judgmental hipsters. But fear not, dear student, for I, Professor Pretentiousness, shall guide you through the minefield of artistic interpretation.

First, let's start with the basics: Chapter 2: The Art of Being Wrong will delve deeper into the world of misinterpretation and the importance of being completely off the mark.

Art Facts for the Uninitiated | The Folly of Folly: A Case Study | Artistic Torture: The Art World's Dirty Little Secret

Art Facts for the Uninitiated

Here are some essential art facts to get you started:

Art is not just about the eye, but also about the ego.
A true masterpiece is always 90% of the way through, but somehow always takes 10% longer.
The art world is a cruel, unforgiving world where only the pretentious survive.

The Folly of Folly: A Case Study

This is a case study of the most egregious examples of artistic folly, where the art world's pretentiousness has led to some truly cringeworthy conclusions:

The Folly of Folly: A 10,000-word essay on the importance of beige.
The Folly of Folly: A 5-hour lecture on the merits of burnt toast.
The Folly of Folly: A 10-part documentary series on the history of dental floss.

Artistic Torture: The Art World's Dirty Little Secret

Artistic torture is the unsavory secret behind every art critic's favorite pastime:

Forced to watch an endless loop of avant-garde video installations.
Making snide remarks about a 3-year-old's finger painting.
Forced to attend a 3-day seminar on the meaning of "contextualizing the context."