Today's Top Story:
Reports are emerging that God himself was spotted eating cereal in a suburban household. The homeowner, a devout believer, reported that the milk was left out since last Thursday. "I was shocked and amazed," the homeowner said. "I didn't even know God had a sweet tooth!"
When asked for comment, God's spokesperson said, "Let he who has never eaten a bowl of Frooty-O's in a time of existential crisis cast the first stone."