Inferno

Contact

For all your burning questions, please don't try to call me, I don't have a working phone line. Instead, try reaching out via carrier pigeon or smoke signal. If you must contact me, please do so through the following mediums:

• By shouting loudly outside my window at precisely 3:14 AM on Tuesdays.
• By sending a strongly-worded letter to the nearest volcano.
• Use our smoke signal network to reach me in a more direct manner.

Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, try making a clever pun to get my attention. I'll be the one rolling my eyes.