Welcome, citizen, to the Red Tape Reform Help Desk, where we'll happily tie you up in a web of paperwork and bureaucratic nonsense.
Lost your favorite pen? Sorry, that'll be form 27-B. Please fill it out in triplicate and wait 6-8 weeks for a response.
We have 12 different forms for every occasion, and 17 different ways to fill them out. Don't worry, it's not like you'll ever need to do anything in real time.
We're proud to offer a variety of ways for you to waste your time waiting in line. Try our famous 4-hour wait for the "I Need A Number" line, or our 6-hour wait for the "I Need A Number, But Also A Form" line.
Don't worry, it's not like you have anything better to do.
We're proud to offer a wide range of confusing, made-up words and phrases to make you feel like you're part of the in-crowd.
Try our famous "Initiative-ization", or our "Discretionary-izing" technique. Don't worry, it's not like you'll ever have to use it in real life.