Things That Will Definitely Not Happen

A Collection of Ridiculous Scenarios

Here's a list of utterly implausible events that are guaranteed not to occur, because, let's be real, they're absurd.

1. The President of the United States will suddenly declare Tuesday as the new Monday

Ha! Good luck with that.

2. Pineapples will spontaneously combust in a blaze of glory

We're pretty sure that's already happening, but in a non-actual, not-actually-happening kind of way.

3. Corgis will become sentient and take over the world

They're cute, but not that cute.

4. Cats will start wearing tutus and demanding ballet practice in the middle of the night

Only if they're already wearing tiny little hats, of course.

5. The world will run out of cat videos

We're pretty sure that's just a myth spread by the Illuminati.

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