Restarting Your Life: A 12-Step Guide

Step 1: Burn Your Old Life to the Ground (Literally)

Get out of the house, find a bonfire, and just... let go. It's like that one time you realized you're 30 and still living in a college dorm, but with less dignity.

Continue to Step 2: Buy a New Self-Help Book

Step 2: Buy a New Self-Help Book

Find one with a motivational quote on the cover and a foreword by someone who's clearly never done anything productive in their life. Read it in bed while scrolling through Instagram for hours.

Continue to Step 3: Change Your Appearance

Step 3: Change Your Appearance (But Not Really)

Get a new haircut that looks suspiciously like your old one, but with more product in it. You know, to "reinvent" yourself.

Continue to Step 4: Take a Weekend Getaway