Our Firewalls Are For The Taking

Security Through Obscurity

Our firewalls are the most secure you'll ever have, but not in the way you think. We're not just protecting you from the internet. We're protecting the internet from you.

Don't worry, it's not a firewall. It's just... actually a coffee shop. You can still order a latte while your packets are being blocked.

Features

Unlimited Blockage Options

Choose from our vast selection of blockage types, including:

• Block all ports but allow HTTP traffic
• Block all HTTP traffic but allow port 80
• Block all traffic, but only on Tuesdays
• Block all traffic, but only to websites that start with 'example.com'

Customizable Blockage Messages

Want to confuse your enemies? Choose from our selection of blockage messages, including:

• "Your packet is not allowed"
• "Sorry, but your request is blocked"
• "The internet is not a toy, you know."

Unobtrusive Blockage Detection

Our firewalls are so subtle, you'll never even notice you're being blocked.