We, the authorities, are taking drastic measures to silence the savage hordes. They're a menace to society. Their constant screaming, crying, and flailing about the meaninglessness of life is getting old.
Here's an update from the front lines:
But wait, there's more! We have a special report from the depths of the Savage Compound:
Our intrepid reporters have managed to infiltrate the heart of the Savage Compound, where they've uncovered evidence of a secret underground rave party.